Tips for Men

 How to Make a Woman Happy - It's Easier Than

You Think!  by Kathie Lee, webedtitor

It is simple really, most people just want to be happy.  Your woman is no different.  The problem is that many men just don't really know how to make their women happy.  They may think they are doing all the right things, and their wives or girlfriends may seem happy and fulfulled on the outside, but are they really?

Do you want to know how to make a woman happy?  It is not the simplest thing to do, but once you figure it out, she'll be yours forever.  If you are having trouble in your relationship now, learning the secret to a woman's happiness can solve all your problems.  That's why you should try to do whatever is necessary, within reason, to make her happy. 

One of the key issues in any relationship, weather it is with your woman, your co-workers, boss, or kids, is communication.  Sometimes, a woman just needs to talk.  Too many men tend to ignore that aspect of a relationship.  Men are more goal or solution oriented, where as women trend to be more emotion based.  That is a gross generalization, but by and large it is the case.  Sometimes women just want men to shut up and listen; not just hear their words but really listen.  After listening, guys need to act on what their woman is really telling them.  That is a huge thing right there.  You have to know not only what they are saying, but what they really mean.

Women can spend hours on the phone to a close friend that she is meeting later that afternoon.  It goes back to the dawn of time.  When the men were away hunting for the tribe, the women were at home.  All the tribe's women gathered in a group, and their ability to bond with others had a major impact on their chances of surviving.

Pay attention to them, and bring them tokens of that appreciation every so often.  No, not every 3 or 4 months, more like every week.  Flowers work very well for this.  Rather than buying her a bunch of roses, send her one of her favorite flowers every so often.  Roses are just so easy, but picking out a bouquet of her favorite flowers takes some thought.  More to the point, it is the thought about her specifically that is important.  This way she will know that you are really thinking of her rather than just trying to make a gesture.

With many women it is the little things that matter the most.  It is not that you are working 50 or more hours per week to put a roof over your family's head or put food on the table; you still need to pay an appropriate amount of attention to her.  Always call her once or twice a day to let her know you're thinking about her and that you miss her. 

Thank her for just doing everyday things.  Women like to be appreciated.  We all do.  It is human nature.  It really helps to boost self esteem if you feel like what you are doing matters to someone, especially someone that loves you.  If yu come home and she has cleaned the bathroom, make sure you notice it, complement her on it, then make an effort to keep it clean.

If your woman has had an especially tough day at the office or home with the kids, run her a nice, warm bath, hand her a glass of chilled wine, and maybe give her a neck massage for a few minutes before put the kids to bed and prepare dinner.  Don't turn on the TV to watch the game this evening.  Also, don't ruin what you've done for her by expecting sex in return.  In fact women in a recent survey were asked what would make them happy.  A leading answer was to be kissed without being groped, so just work on dinner, empy the dishwasher, and pour the wine!

Here is something that women love.  Leave a nice romantic note on her pillow telling her how much you love her and appreciate her.  Women love surprises, and that is a very nice affirmation of how you feel about them.

Making your woman happy is the cornerstone of a long lasting relationship.  If you've had relationship problems in the past, this could be one of the main reasons.  Make her happy and your life will be much happier as well.  Good Luck!

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Healthy Relationships

Build Relationships With An Unexpected Card

"I have given my wife thank you cards, and I love you cards for most of my married life, said Jim, but I never had the reaction I received when I sent an unexpected card in the mail."Let's face it, even with the high-tech method of delivering messages, newsletters, bank statements and family photos, we all go to the mailbox to see "what's in the mail?"  I know I hit the mail box, grab its contents and start making piles.  I put the checks in one stack, my bills in another pile, the grocery ads and other advertising in one pile, and on the rare occasion that I get a card in the mail, I ask myself, "Who in the world sent me a card?"  And, unless I really need the check, I open the card first.That is the power of connecting with an unexpected card in the mail.  I would say that each day we are prompted to connect with someone in our life. 

Whether it is a spouse, close friend, sibling, or a business associate, we get promptings to connect in a special way.  Greetimg cards are a unique and powerful way to share a message of love and appreciation.  However, the fact that sending cards is inconvenient prevents us from sending that special note.The current method of sending a card is, 1) Go to a grocery store or specialty card store; 2) Stand in line to buy the card; 3) Write the card, hoping you don't scribble out the message once or twice; 4) Find a stamp and finally; 5) Find the nearest Post Office.  And, at $3.49 a card, no wonder we don't connect with our promptings to drop an unexpected note.How about a system that allows you to be online, look through thousands of images, write a note of love and appreciation, in your own handwriting, and then stamps, and ships your card in the mail, with an actual stamp on the envelope.  No lines, no fuss, no muss.

You can even try the system for free; buy sending a card to a special friend or families by going to  www.sendoutcards.com/jimolsen  allow you to try this system for FREE.See for yourself the power of an unexpected card.  No matter what type of relationship you are creating, the power of an unexpected card can bring tears to the eyes of both the recipients as well as the sender. Building relationships in the world of interconnectedness isn't as hard as you would think.  Try sending a card to a friend.  Go ahead, try my system for FREE!

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Healthy Relationships

Successful Marriage & the Impact of Money 

With the divorce rate exceeding 50 percent in the United States, many men are at odds as to how best to improve the happiness in their own marriage.  With most marriage counselors reporting the key factors of discord in a marriage being issues involving money and sex, it is no wonder American families are falling apart. For men, using some simple techniques to improve both the physical and emotional health of the marriage many provide for significant reductions in the divorce rate of the United States. 

Even for those couples who are not yet married, learning to communicate on these crucial topics, such as money, may provide for a more successful marriage.In an ideal marriage, both individuals would contribute and spend in a 50/50 split.  However, this is not reality.  In fact, in most marriages, there is, as a general rule, one person who will spend more frequently than the other.  Statistically, in the United States, women tend to control most of the expenses and spending within the household.  This is not to say women control with a fury but, instead, it is a fact that women tend to control the financial day to day operations of a home from paying utility expenses to maintaining grocery lists and mortgage payments.For married men, this control, by a woman, of the financial center of the home often seems as if she may be spending irrationally and can leave a man feeling as if he works without an opportunity to enjoy the fruits of his own labors.  For this reason, when experiencing conflict in the marriage, due to financial issues, it is crucial to sit down with your spouse and address the root cause and value of spending in the home.  For both partners, understanding the values and basis on which the other partner spends money is crucial to ensuring less stress when finances are running low.The key to discussing these financial values is to address them when the issues of money are not a heated debate. 

Over a nice quiet dinner, and casual conversation without children, discuss lifetime goals and dreams.  Once we understand the goals and dreams of our partner, we can guide them into making financial decisions to reach those goals and dreams.  For men who enjoy large ticket items, electronics and entertainment in the home, this may mean that we focus on purchasing our nest High Definition television rather than the new car.  Women are the same.  While shopping for shoes and getting a manicure may be common practice, it is a women's essential dreams and lifetime goals that are most important when discussing financial concerns.  So, if her dreams are to travel to Europe, focus spending restrictions and budgeting around the common goal of reaching that European travel destination.As with any marriage conflict, the key to successful outcomes, for the most part, lies in the ability of the couple to communicate.  For men understanding financial dynamics of the home is important, and applying life goals and dreams to the essential core of spending, may work to improve the communication about this key marital discord topic; money.

Written by Christine Cadena, she is a successful affiliate marketeer and enjoys sharing her tips and advice with others.

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Healthy Relationships

5 Important Tips on Getting Back With Your Ex

A relationship is a work in progress that has to be maintained repeatedly so that it grows and flourishes. Sometimes that flourishing will stop for no apparent reason and a breakup occurs. When this happens, it can be rather nerve wracking to deal with the aftermath. You probably want to know what you can do to get back with your ex. You may not realize it but you easily repair a relationship by following five simple rules.

Rule 1 - Staying Strong

The worst thing you can do is act needy especially when you are trying to win back your ex. Before you do anymore begging, pleading, clinging or anything of like behavior stop and think about if the shoe were on the other foot. Would you want your ex begging like a dog to you? Its fine to feel sad but don’t look sad. Stay strong. The best thing you can do for yourself to get back with your ex is to show them that you have moved on and that the breakup didn’t hurt (even if you are hurting inside). Your ex may realize that they still miss you and want you back.

Rule 2 - Limit Communications

Breakup is a time for separation, not a time for trying to talk to one another. Remember that breakups cause hurtful feelings so it's best to steer clear of one another. By staying away from your ex, you actually help your case. It gives them time to reflect on things as well as give you time to reflect on things. Stop talk with your ex for a month or so so that he or she will realize that they do need you in their lives.

Rule 3 - Flexibility

This is time to be flexible with your ex. Never demand that your ex do something. Instead, be the ex that listens and is sympathizing to their predicament. When you do this, you help your case by allowing them to witness this side of you (again). When you show them that you can be respectful, it makes them want to open the lines of communication once more.

Rule 4 - Going Out

Never, ever stay at home alone after a breakup. This is time to get out with friends you may have neglected due to the relationship or hang out with some family members. Get out to the social clubs and start enjoying life as a single person once more. You don’t have to date but you can pay a little attention to the opposite sex. If your ex sees you out and about, they’ll wonder why they let you go. It’s also very therapeutic for you.

Rule 5 - Being Yourself

Remember the time when you and your ex first got together. Obviously something was there so remember to be yourself and remind your ex through your actions why you both made a good couple. By remembering those good times, it’s bound to rub off on your ex too. Teecee Go writes articles focusing on love, romance and save relationship helping people get back with their ex.

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Healthy Relationships

How To Keep Your Relationship Alive

If you have been married for a while, it’s easy to get lost in your busy lifestyles. Sometimes you just need to stop and smell the roses.  Keeping you relationship alive, takes a lot of work, you have to have to be spontaneous and keep things interesting and adventurous.

When you first get married, love in the air, you can’t get enough of each other, but after a few years, things start to slow down, and sometime even comes to a halt.

Some simple ways to keep your relationship alive, will be taking afternoon walks together and reconnecting with each other, upon wakening-up everyday, say something nice to each other before starting your day, surprised each other with breakfast in bed, a back rub to your spouse after a stress day, complimenting each other every day, and stepping out of your comfort zone and doing things a little different occasionally.

All these ideas will bring back the spar that was once there.

Over the years you might put-on a couple pounds that might not be attractive to your mate. Keeping yourself sexy and fit will definitely make your spouse happy. Exercising at lease three times a week will improve your flexibility and overall endurance.

Taking a vacation together will bring back the love that was once there. Most couples get together because they love each other interest, and others for convenience. If your relationship is based on convenience, love really doesn’t stand a change to make a come back.

When you find that special someone, it’s like finding a million dollars, You want to do all you can for your love, and keeping the relationship alive, after a couple of years past, is very important.

Roger King has been helping people with tips and advice to better relationships.
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Healthy Relationships

How To Learn True Happiness, It Is The

Secret To Good Relationships   by Mercedes Oestermann van Essen

Tips for Women

How to Tell If your Man is a Coward 

Has anyone told you that your man is a coward?  Have you ever felt like your man has not only let you down, but let yourself down, due to his inability to stand up for what's right?  Being with a coward is destructive to a women's self esteem.  Men who are cowards usually allow not only themselves to be mistreated, but allows their women to be mistreated too.

Before I get too deep here, I want to make it completely clear that when I'm referencing a "coward", I'm not talking about a man who is soft spoken and reserved.  This is a specific personality trait, and is neither a positive one, nor a negative one.  It's just who he is.  Many men are quiet and reserved and there is not cowardly bone in their body.  The coward that I'm talking about is one who refueses to stand up for himself even in the most basic of scenarios, to the point that he suffers a negative impact on his life, and sometimes, in do his loved ones.  From what I've observed, there are usually a few traits or ideas that these types of men have in common.  You may find that one or more of these may apply to your situation.

Men who are cowards will allow people to disrespect and mistreat not only themselves, but their wife or girlfriend also.  He will probably permit his mother to berate you and belittle you when talking about your parenting skills or the fact that you put on a few extra pounds.  The sad part, is that he will probably justify his behavior by saying that "she means well" or something similar, but the truth is, he's a coward.  A men should never permit  ANYONE to speak badly to or about his sigificant other.  A man who is a coward will allow a complete stranger to treat him or his wife poorly, and then blame the other wife for "starting" the altercation.  Again, the reality is that he lacks the intestinal fortitude that it takes to now allow people to act this way.  Expect the excuses.  No man is going to say to you,  "you know what?  You're right.  I am an absolute coward."  They will defend their actions until they turn blue; this is why its up to you to be able to establish the fact that they are cowardly.

Have you ever noticed that you are always stuck bailing your man out of silly situations that he gets himself into?  Whether its trouble with the boss at work, being over-charged at the grocery store or having words with the next door neighbor, things won't change.  Don't let their ridiculous exuses even phase you, or yourself worth.  You have the right to be a with a man who loves you, respects you and will keep you safe from harm, no matter what form it may come in.   Your man is obligated to defend you and to uphold your honor in any circumstance.  If he disagrees with you, he needs not do it publicly, it can be done private.  He is still obligated to show you respect, and ensure that everyone else does also.

Any man that physically or verbally abuses a woman is a complete coward.  Real men don't hurt and belittle their women to the point of tears or purposely make them feel insecure or threatened.  That type of behavior is damaging to the woman, because after hearing the coward's exuceses over and over again, she will begin to believe that she deserved the treatment that she received and that she is actually to blame.  In reality, a man who abuses and mistreats anyone is a coward, who has a very low self esteem and little control over his life, so he has to mistreat other people to make himself feel better.  This is not likely the bully at school syndrome.  And similar to the school bully syndrome, you will notice that your cowardly man would not DARE treat someone the way he treats you if he even thought that they were stronger or more powerful than them.

When you're around a man who is a coward, you will never feel safe with him.  You will always worry that you will be stuck fending for yourself when you need him most.   If this is the case, you can bet that your man is absolutely spineless and really doesn't care as much about making you feel safe as he does his own personal feelings.  Men like this can change, but only if they realize how their behavior is affecting you, and actually care about it.  Most will not; most men who behave like cowards are actually quite content with their life and really don't care how their shortcomings or other pathetic actions affect you.  If this is the case, don't you be a coward too - get up and leave.

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Tips for Women

How Do You Know If Your Husband Loves You - Signs

He's Still Crazy About You  by Gillian Reynolds

How do you know if your husband loves you?  That's one of the most often asked questions by married women.  Once the honeymoon phase has passed and real life sets in it's sometimes hard to tell what your spouse is feeling.  Men are notorious for keeping their feelings to themselves and this makes it particularly challenging to the women who love them.  If you've begun to have doubts about how much your spouse really does care for you, there's help.  There are some teltale signs in his behavior that indicate that your man loves you today just as much as he did on the day you two married.

One of the signs your husband still loves you is his desire to help make your life easier.  Does he still offer to help with the dishes?  Is he eager to play with the children so you can have a bit of time to unwind and relax?  If your husband obviously wants to ensure that your life is pleasant and non-eventful, he's still very much in love with you.  If you've felt for the past few months or years that he's neglectful of your needs, he may feel some emotional distance between the two of you.

Another indicator that the man you are married to still adores you is he'll reach out to touch you.  If he reaches for your hand when you two are out or if he rubs your shoulders when you're feeling tense, that's a strong sign he's still in love.  When a man pulls away physically from his wife to the point that there's no intimacy in the marriage, that's a red flag that the relationship is starting to unravel.  If this is happening in your relationship and you ignore it you can expect to be facing a divorce down the road.

You can also feel reassured that your husband is wild about you if he remembers important dates.  Many people will tell you that this isn't significant but it really is.  Consider how well he was at your birthday and anniversary when you two first married.  If that's changed his feelings may have changed too.  However, if he's attentive to important dates and ensures that you have a gift or even just a card in your hands on those days, he's still in love with you.

Specific things you do and say can compel your husband to appreciate and love you more.  Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause him to feel even more distant from you.  You can make your husband fall even deeper in love with you than when you two first married. 

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Tips For Breaking-Up

Her Husband Was a Woman

by James Pylant

"A Women Married to a Woman," sounds like a current talk show topic.  Would you believe it was the headline of a newspaper article women 140 years ago?  In 1856, the New York Times reported the following:

"A person was brought up before the Police Court at Syracuse on Tuesday, on charge of wearing male apparel while being a female, of making love to the Syracuse belles, and marrying a woman.  There is no doubt of her femininity, though her counter felt of a man is said to have been perfect.  She is English, is supposed to be about 40 years of age, went under the name of Alfred Guelf... In reply to the question, "Are you a male or female? She answered: "Your officers can tell you, or "have told you." She refused to give any more direct answer to the inquiry in relation to her sex, and was committed for further examination.

"The Standard says that a few weeks since she assumed the garb of a man, and made the acquaintance of a young lady named Miss Lewis.  After abrief courtship they were married by Rev. Mr. Gregory, of the Epicopal Church, and the parties have since resided together as husband and wife.  The marriage ceremony was performed about three weeks since, and the bride's father suspecting something wrong about his new son-in-law, obtained a private interview, and informed her of his suspicions that she was not what she pretended to be.  At first she claimed that she was a man, but on closer inspection finally admitted that she was a female.  A partial examination was made at this time by the father-in-law and he immediately arrested her..

"We have not learned the proper name of this singular woman.  She is about 40 years of age, with marked features, prominent nose, high cheek bones, black hair, worn long (for a man) and curling at the end, and apparently brushed and oiled with care.  She wears a glazed cap, blue shirt, dark vest, snuff-colored pants and gaiter boots, and a shawl over her shoulders; speaks with considerable confidence, but is not very communicative.

"It is understood that when this eccentric woman first came to the house of the bride's father, she was attired in female attire, with the knowledge of the family.  The probability is that the family supposed her woman's dress was a disguise, and that she was assuming the proper habiliments of her sex.

"The lady's father was averse to the match, but the bride still clings to her woman husband, and claims the arrest is a conspiracy against them.  They were allowed to meet in one of the ante-rooms of the Police Office, and embraced each other with the greatest marks of affection.

"The Justice, as we have already remarked, remanded her for further examination, as it is understood that other charges will, probably, be brought against her."

The New York Daily Times, Sun., 26 April 1856, p. 2, col. 4

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Tips For Breaking-Up

Ten Ways to Dump Your Lover

Remember the old Paul Simon song, "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover? It was really popular when I was a young kid, but I never though it as giving any good advice. And, let's face it, they never came up with the actual 50 ways.

I can't come up with 50; I can't even come up with ideas that can be put to music and produce a major hit record. But I can come up with 10 ways. And, as in everything you do in life, I can also give you Plan B in case Plan A, doesn't work.

1. Most often used is the ignoring of the phone call. This should only be used, however, if you have no commitment to the person you are leaving otherwise, it's cowardly. But it's effective; most people get the hint, after leaving a few messages and not having them returned, that they are not wanted. And you're off the hook. They might leave on last message to tell you off, but this, too, should be ignored as it is merely an attempt to re-establish contact.

Plan B - Have your number changed. This is easy enough to do and will prevent the person from ever being able to call you again.

2. Tell them that you contacted a Tarot Card reader who said that you should break up. He or she will probably scoff at this, but you stick to your story. As a matter of fact, you're lighting candles at this very moment to ward off the spell they put you under.

Plan B - Start dressing only in black, frequently flash the Hail Satan sign and tell them that you've got a cute little doll that looks just like them!

3. Tell them you don't love them anymore and it's over, plain and simple. This is one you use if you've had a committed relationship and it's fallen apart. This is also uncomfortable and, if you're brave and decent, you'll do it in person instead of on the phone or by E-mail.

Plan B - Tell them that they can't make you love them and to find someone else. If they persist in trying to continue the relationship by stalking or harassment, tell them that you're very busy at the firing range, lately. Learning how to shoot your new handgun.

4. Tell them that you've just discovered you're homosexual. This should work. Although if you're trying it on a guy, he might suggest a threesome.

Plan B - Start hanging around in places your ex-lover haunts with your new homosexual lover. Just find someone who's willing to act the part; you don't have to actually turn gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

5. Tell them that you have gone back with your ex-lover, boyfriend, or husband.

Plan B - Tell them that they'd better forget about you, beacuse your ex has a terrible temper, and got extremely buff during those three years he spent in prison.

6. Tell them that you can't stand their kids. If they have no kids, tell them that you hate their pet, mother, friends or anything else they love. This works extremely well with a woman, by the way.

Plan B - Tell them that you can' stop having fantasies about killing her cat.

7. Tell them that you parents don't approve of your relationship. If they guy or gal is Italian, tell them it's just for that reason that they don't approve, as your father has been in the debt of Benn the Shark since you were born. If you're Italian and they aren't, tell them that you parents don't approve of anyone who isn't Italian. If neither one of you are Italian, tell them the same as above, substituting the different nationalities.

Plan B - Tell them that because he or she refuses to give up, yo ur mother is calling Uncle Vito. Or Uncle Stan. Or Uncle Vladmir. Or Uncle Lin Sing. And they're gonna have a talk with them. Then confess that your family is part of the Italian, Irish, Russian or Chinese Mob.

8. Tell them that you really want to go out with them tonight, but your raging case of herpes has flared up and has made things a pain. This should get them out of your life for good.. unless they use this time to confess that they have herpes, too, and know how you feel.

Plan B - After you pick yourself off the floor where you've fainted, tell them that because they have herpes and you have herpes, you now have double herpes and have been told by the doctor that you can never have sex again. And suggest that she or he doesn't either.

9. Tell them the last guy or gal you broke up with ended up stalking you to the point where you had to get a restraining order against them. Then tell them you want to break up.

Plan B - If they insist on harassing you, get a restraining order on them. At least you gave them fair warning.

10. Tell them that you lost your job and are so glad they're part of your life because now they can take care of you and financially support you.

You don't even need a Plan B with this one - this one works like a charm EVERY time.

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Tips For Breaking-Up

How to Handle Break Ups in Relationships

by Kathie Lee, webeditor

Breakups can be very emotionally draining experiences.  Giving your heart to someone and having them break it can be sometime the most devastating thing that can ever happen to someone.

After a break up, the effected person should groom him/herself well to create a "feel good" mood.  Make your hair, treat yourself to a massage, dress well , watch a favorite movie and generally celebrate yourself to boost the way you feel.

You should also detach yourself from things that remind you of the just ended relationship such as gifts, photos and venues that you visited together.  You can do this by returning the gifts or locking up all the memories in a big box if you are not ready to give them back. 

Keep yourself busy.  If you keep idle, the thought of the heart breaker will linger on your mind.  For this reason, you should engage in a sport of your choice such as tennis, swimming or chess to keep yourself busy and entertained.

After giving yourself a good break, purpose to meet new people.  Not all relationships will lead to a break up.  If one has not worked out, try another.  I'm sure by now you will have learn a few things from the old relationship that you can carry into the new one.

Just don't let the breakup bring down where you are unable to continue with your life.

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 Tips for Dating

Tips for Dating

He Says, She Says . . .

by Mona Merz

A friend sent me an email a few days ago. It was titled, Guy Rules. It started out... We always hear THE RULES from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. #1. Men are NOT mind readers. Ask us for what you want. Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it.

I agree with John Gray, author of Women are from Venus, Men are for Mars. We sometimes communicate like we came from different planets and speak a different language. I've asked clients what's the one thing they'd like to improve in their relationship and most often the answer is communication. Isn't it ironic that the thing we take most for granted, our speech, is the one thing that has the power to build or destroy our relationships?

If you'd like to improve your relationship, see if these tips will help you get what you desire.

Words Have Lasting Effects

What you are arguing about may not be remembered a few months from now, but the feelings those negative words produced in you will last a good long time. We can all remember the unkindness of others. When you are in a situation where you want to be critical, demeaning or even cruel, bite your tongue, leave the room, write your feelings in a  letter you never will send. Do whatever it takes to get those harsh feelings out of you but not into someone else. When you've calmed down, decide to resolve the conflict in a kind manner. Nothing is ever accomplished in anger!

Use Words to Build

We each have the greatest tools right at our lips. Not using our words to build one another up is as absurd as being the wealthiest person in the world and just throwing it away. We're not kids anymore. We are adults. We can choose to be the best person we want to be. Tell those close to you how important they are to you and how much you cherish and love them! Never miss the opportunity to make the people you most care about feel better about them. You'll take your relationship to a whole new level. Make it a point to say something positive to someone everyday.

Create Moments to Communicate

It's easy to site in front of the TV after a long day and watch show after show. Instead, create moments that will give you opportunities to really get in touch with those people you love. Play board games, listen to music, give each other a back rub, talk about your dreams, go for a walk, your options are endless. Does something fun together? You'll find that the more time you spend together growing your relationship, the less time there will be for communication problems.

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arriage

Duck, Duck, GOOSE!

Do you know Aesop's fable about the goose and the golden eggs?  Let me share it with you and explain how it relates to your marriage.

The fable is about a poor farmer who discovers that his goose is laying golden eggs.  At first the farmer thinks it must be a trick.  but when he gets the eggs appraised, he learns that they're pure gold!  The farmer can't believe it.  and he gets even more excited when he realizes the goose is laying golden eggs EVERYDAY.  Eventually, the farmer becomes fabulously wealthy. 

But the farmer tires of caring for the goose and waiting day after day for the golden eggs.  So he decides to kill the goose and get all the golden eggs at once.  But when he opens the goose, there are no golden eggs.  And now the goose is gone too. 

How does this relate to your marriage?

A good relationship lays many golden eggs: security, companionship, fun, intimacy, just to name a few.  In the words of Jerry McGuire, "You complete me." And that's exactly how we feel when we're in a successful marriage.. COMPLETE.

But the golden eggs of a marriage are THE RESULT OF tending to the relationship (the goose).  Over time, most people grow tired of caring for their marriage.  Most people become selfish and impatient.  So they stop extending common courtesies, being sensitive, and thoughtful.  They stop giving their marriage time and energy.  And they treat the person closest to them in a way they would never treat even a stranger on the street.

The amazing thing is that most people's inappropriate behavior in their marriage is, in their mind, an effort to grab some golden eggs.  In other words, people aren't trying to sabotage their marriage.  They're trying to get what they want.  They're trying to get the golden eggs.  But their behavior is killing the goose!

In the beginning of your marriage, your relationship is strong and indestructible.  But if you want the goose to keep laying the golden eggs, you've got to learn how to take care of it.  It's easy to fall in love.  But maintaining a marriage that lays golden eggs year after year is something very few people know how to do.

But the fact is, it's not hard.  You can do it!  You simply have to know how.  Remember the first time you tried to use a computer?  Over whelmed right! "How does this work?  But once someone showed you; from then on it was easy.  Renewing your marriage and maintaining love in your relationship is kind of like learning to use a computer.  It's seems impossible; until someone shows you how to do it.

Love is NOT a mystery. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.  Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain learned skills applied to your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.  It's a direct cause and effect.  If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable--you can "make" love.

Mort Fertel Author & Founder of Marriage Fitness.  And was a featured expert on ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS, and the Fox News Network.  He is also a frequent guest on talk radio programs.  His breakthrough program, Marriage Fitness, appeared in the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, Los Angeles Times, USA Today, Family Circle, Psychology Today, Ladies Home Journal, Glamour Magazine, Parent & Child Magazine, Philadelphia Inquirer, Library Journal, Women's Health, Denver Post, Orlando Sentinel, Baltimore Sun, and Toronto Sun, Relationships in the City.

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Marriage

Look Beyond the Marriage Certificate  

When your great-grandparents married, what did she wear? Who was the best man? Did the wedding take place at home or in a church? Who was invited? The answers to these questions often cannot be found on a marriage certificate, if one was even created at the time of the wedding. Many states did not require the recording of marriages until the late eighteenth or early nineteenth century. If your great-grandparents were married before records were kept, how could you find out the details of the event? Historical newspapers may provide the answers. Weddings were social events that brought families and neighbors together. Engagement announcements before the event, news of showers given in honor of the future bride, and detailed articles about the wedding can be found within the pages of the newspaper. In the twentieth century, many of these articles were accompanied by photos. These notices can be treasure troves for the genealogist and can include any of the following: date of the wedding, maiden name of the bride, parents of both bride and groom, siblings of the couple who may be serving as best man or maid of honor, residence, occupation, names of relatives and the place they reside, and the location of the wedding.

Wedding announcements often have quite a bit of detail about the wedding including descriptions of dresses and decorations. Many weddings in the late 1800s and early 1900s took place at home, but those home weddings were quite stylized. Brides wore their finest and the parlors were filled with greenery and flowers of the season. Many Spring and Summer weddings were held outdoors either on a porch or in the yard. Wedding meals and wedding trips were noted and were sometimes quite detailed. The newlywed couple’s future residence may be mentioned. Lists of attendees, including family, friends, and neighbors, often were included in the wedding announcements.

A recorded marriage record may provide the essential facts about a wedding (names of the contracting parties, date and place of the event, officiate), but a newspaper can add details about the day not available elsewhere.

The marriage announcement for my great-grandparents appeared in the 23 November 1898 issue of the Hopewell Herald, a newspaper published in Hopewell, New Jersey. Their marriage certificate provided the facts—names of the bride and groom, their ages, place of residence, parents’ names, and date and place of the wedding. The newspaper announcement expanded on those facts to describe the bride’s white cashmere dress and the evergreen parlor decorations. I turned to the front page of this issue and discovered that the area had experienced two blizzards during the week prior to the wedding and travel on the roads was difficult. Still, about fifty guests witnessed the marriage. One can just imagine the romantic setting: the hush that falls over the snow-covered earth, the scent of pine filling the parlors, the light of day dimming with the sunset, and the bride aglow in white cashmere, satin, and lace. Combining the facts found in the marriage announcement (who, what, when, where) with the descriptive elements (parlor decorations and description of the wedding gown) against the backdrop of a wintry late-November evening creates a more complete picture of the day. The marriage certificate provides the details, but the newspaper paints the day with color.

Phyllis Matthews Ziller holds a Master of Library and Information Science degree from the University of South Florida. She is the editor of Speak, the newsletter for the Genealogical Speakers Guild, Columns, the newsletter for the International Society of Family History Writers and Editors, and is co-editor of NCGS News, the newsletter for the North Carolina Genealogical Society. Phyllis is a member of the National Genealogical Society, the Association of Professional Genealogists, the Genealogical Society of New Jersey, and the North Carolina Genealogical Society.

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 Marriage

How to Get Rid of the In-Laws 

It has finally happened.  You've met the person of your dreams.  You've just had a fairy tale wedding and now it is time to live happily ever after, right?  Wrong.  If you are like many couples, your relationship is not just between the two of you.  It's between the six of you: you, your spouse and both sets of parents.

How can you get rid of your in-laws?  Unfortunately, it is not that simple.  The problem is that when you are fighting with your in-laws, more often than not it also becomes a fight with your spouse.  Your spouse also has to deal with being in the middle of you and his or her parents.

If you find that your relationship with your in-laws has become unbearable, here are a few things you can try to get rid of them.

• If your spouse agrees that your in-laws need to go, you can both have a sit down talk with them.  Explain that you are unhappy with their behavior and that you have decided that you would like sometime and space away from them.  Don't be surprised if this doesn't go very well, however.  Most in-laws will challenge this notion.  They might accuse you of trying to come between them and your spouse.  This is why it is important that the two of you agree on everything you are going to talk about prior to the meeting.
• If your spouse would like to maintain a relationship with your in-laws, then that is fine too.  This might be the case especially if you have children.  Just because your spouse has a relationship with the in-laws doesn't mean you have to.  You can always stay home and watch the game on Sunday instead of eating your mother-in-law's meatloaf.  Just make sure that your spouse understands nd agrees with your reasons so that there is not animosity between the two of you.
• You can try to reason with them.  Explain that you and your spouse are adults and that you expect them to be supportive of the decisions you make, or at least not openly criticize them.  Let them know how you expect them to behave in your home.  If they don't agree with what you are saying, they are likely to get rid of themselves.
• You can also try the avodance technique.  Don't take their calls.  Don't visit.  Better yet, move across the country.  Don't leave a forwarding address.
• Get Divorced.

Unfortunately, thee are not very many ways to successfully get rid of your in-laws.  The most important thing to remember is that you need to make sure that you are your spouse are on the same page.  Also, make sure your reason for wanting to get rid of your in-laws are legitimate.  If you simply don't like them because they voted for the Republican candidate last election, then you might want to rething your position.  These are your spouse's parents and your children's grandparents and those relationships deserve some respect.  However, if you have legitimate issues with the in-laws then you might find that your family life is much more tranquil without them in it.

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Tips on Love & Sex

Candle Light Sets the Romantic Scene

She opened the door.  There was no light on just a dim glow at the end of the hall.  What ever was on her mind vanished.  Curiousity arose.  What's going on was the only question on her mind.  The slight scent of Obsession touched her.

At the end of the hall opening up into the living room candles were lit, first one, then two, beckoning her to the next set leading her into the den.  There it was like the room was ablaze in candlelight, and sitting on the love seat was....

Right from your favorite movie, or romantic novel, the scene is set the Romance!  What woman would not just love coming home to this scene?  First the glow from the candles, and then the scent Obesession and then even more candles lighting the path and creating a romantic mood.  Even if they had a bad day, the sight and smell would have their effect creating a romantic mind set.  Wow!

Ladies and Gents, you too can create these moments with scented romantic candles.  It doesn't take a truckload of candles, just a few to set the scene for your lover even if it is only a quiet evening sharing your passion with each other.  What ever the world was doing to you was locked up ouside that closed door.  The romantic mood began as the door opened and it can continue for as long as you like.

Candles just have that way, especially if they have that very special scent that just adds to your moment.  Candlelight has always been associated with romance with love with tender moments in our lives.  So take that hint from your favorit movie and create one tonight.  It doesn't matter who comes home last.  Even a man will be moved by the candlelight and that scent as he walks in.

Using your imagination to create a scene leading to a romantic setting will even have its own effect on you.  Just thinking about it will start putting you in the mood for romance.  It doesn't matter if you are a guy or gal, it will set your mood as you set the scene for that very special person in your life especially if you are courting.

You see candles play such an important part in romance.  We immediately reconginze the scene.  We can't help it.  We've all see it before and just know.  We feel that special feeling come over us.  We see and since the emotions becasue of the sight and smell coming from candles.  What ever was going on is no linger so important.  Our special person has taken time to set the scene for romance.

What a wonderful thing it is when someone cares so much about you to just make a moment right and take you far away form that world you walked in from.   

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Tips on Love & Sex

You Can Have Love That Never Ends

As a couples therapist I work with smart, gifted, accomplished people who are having a terrible time living and loving together. What makes this even more poignant is that the how two's of a successful relationship are not all that difficult to learn and to master. As a matter of common sense most of us know how to have relationships that are harmonious and satisfying. Most of us, for example, have a dear friend or two with whom we share hopes and doubts, celebrate life's victories, and commiserate during hard times. It may be easier to cut this friend some slack when he or she does something we don't like than when our intimate partner disappoints us in some way. The plain truth is that we sometimes treat total strangers better than our own beloved. When I think about this I hear the optimism of the old Beatles Refrain, We can Work it Out. We can work it out. And I think, Can we? Can we really? I believe the answer is yes- but that it often takes a commitment to really knowing ourselves and letting our partner in on our deepest fears, as well as our greatest dreams.

Take as an example the complaint that many couples bring into therapy: We just don't communicate very well. I find usually that when there is a block in communication it is because the two partners have become "hypnotized by the content of what they have been arguing about. Couples tend to argue about the same things over and over, using mostly the same words and phrases. When a couple is arguing in my office I will often stop them and ask, "Have you had this argument before? Both partners usually look at me with their heads bobbing in agreement (it may be the first thing they've agreed on all session). Yes, one or both may say. Then they will admit they have actually stopped listening to each other because each knows exactly what the other is going to say. I call this being hypnotized by the content because each person believes the fight is only about my position vs. your position. If I have your position memorized then I really don't have to listen to you-I know what you'll say even before you say it. So instead of listening to you while you are talking I am busy planning a way of restating my position, preparing to use even stronger language-and in a louder voice. A conflict that does not work its way beyond content tends to stay stuck in a wrong orientation with both partners trading accusations and criticisms, getting more and more defensive until one or the other pulls away, disappointed and resentful again that he or she has not been heard or understood.

The problem is that most of us don't really want to make ourselves understood, not completely at least. To be understood I have to take a risk and really be vulnerable with you, letting you know what it is I most fear and most want. The noted psychologist and couples therapist researcher John Gottman says that our greatest hopes are often disguised as criticism. Take as an example a man who criticizes his wife for not wanting to have sex with him very often. He may have spent months or years resenting her for being too tired or apathetic to be sexual. "Ever since she had our first child she just hasn't been very interested. She, on the other hand, may criticize him for not being romantic enough: He used to do things to make me feel special and loved. Now he just wants me to get turned on at the drop of the hat. A woman needs to be wooed. This is a common dynamic between men and women, especially after the birth of a child. If this man stays focused on the fact that she is not showing us much interest in him sexually, if she stays focused on the fact that he takes her for granted, they will go on having the same argument over and over. The argument will in fact reinforce the behaviors they would like to change: A criticized woman is not likely to feel very sexual; a criticized man is less likely to be attentive and loving. How do they get beyond this impasse? First, by noticing that the way in which they are arguing is an extension of their sex life: Neither one is getting naked in front of the other. By naked I mean neither one is really being vulnerable and open; neither one is really sharing from his or her heart. Gottman coaches his couple to move beyond the criticism to what they really desire from one another-and how painful it is when these desires are not met.

We may ask the husband in our couple: Why is it so important for you to have sex with this woman? Is it only about sex-or is it something deeper? What does it mean to you when she is available to you, when she openly desires you, when she invites you into her body and her world? What is the experience you want to create with her when the two of you make love? We might also ask him about his fears: What disturbs you exactly when she does not want to be sexual? How does her apathy worry you, make you anxious, scare you? We might ask similar questions of the woman: What makes his attention in particular so important? What type of attention are you wanting? How does it make you feel when you get it? How is romance part of the vision you have for this relationship?

In the end, getting real with each other might be the biggest turn-on. Honesty and a heart-to-heart sharing is usually the foreplay needed to get a couple's sex life back on the right track.

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  Tips for Dating

Do's and Don't for Dating Smart with Children 

by Mona Merz

Do keep yourself and your kids safe. If you were set up by friends or met online, meet that person in a friendly populated place where the atmosphere is casual and inviting. You want to know a bit more about this person before you have them pick you up at your home or office.

Dating can be a bit tricky, but remember that you can date and be a parent at the same time.  It just takes some mindful thought and planning.